Monday, September 21, 2015

#ManProblemMonday: When Honesty is Not the Best Policy

Have you ever been out and met what seemed to be a decent guy? You talk on the phone or meet for drinks and after its over you find yourself asking, "Is he honest or just an Asshole?"

Well the answer is probably both. But even if its brutal , he doesn’t deserve to be condemned and he doesn’t deserve a medal of honor either. Now as an honest asshole myself, I understand that even if it’s the truth, it doesn’t mean you have to say it. For example, just because you think someone’s weave should not be synthetic in 2015 ( and that's no shade to the synthetic hair wearers Im a member of the club with my protective styles)  doesn’t mean you should tell them. My rule of thumb is if your opinion isn’t a sincere attempt to impact their life positively, keep it to yourself. Sating a comment like that especially to someone you hardly know has the potential to go so far left. 

And thats no different with dating. Just because you feel a certain way right out the gate doesn’t mean its acceptable to express it. For example, I met a guy in the gym ( not my gym as I have a strict no dating from your gym policy) and he seemed cool. After minimal conversation, through text I might add, he offered me a proposition. He wanted us to be “Good Friends”… You know the kind that hang out, have dinner, have sex, and maybe he pays a few bills. Now most women may have been offended by this, but as somewhat of an asshole myself I simply declined his offer, and let him know it was nice to meet him. He was clearly taken aback and confused at my unwillingness and wanted to talk further. I obliged and let him know that I wasn’t lacking in any of those areas so why add something I didn’t need? Needless to say my honesty wasn’t taken very well lol

So in honesty, but I unlike him, did not think he deserved any more of my time for simply giving me what I and every human deserves… sincere honesty. That part I appreciated, but it doesn’t automatically mean I should just roll over and drop the draws just because he told the truth. Thats just not enough. Now had his approach been a little better, that may have worked, but considering I didn’t know him well enough at the time to decide if I could even stand to be around him (which FYI I couldn’t) it was just wrong. I find that the best approach with honesty, like most things, is tact and timing. Im not saying you lie out the gate but I do think that after spending some time with with a person you should be able to gauge how to proceed. You don’t have to hold back who you are but you don’t have to tell me about your ex wife’s stint in rehab on the first date either. Im Just saying… Just remember on the first date to keep it cute (a good weave and some makeup is ok) but not fraud (no face lift beat down from the gods! and y’all know what I mean ladies).

So have you dealt with an "Honest Abe" or "Tactless Tony"? Let me know in the comments below! And maybe we'll post up on a periscope so you can share your thoughts there!


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