Now this one is way personal.... But Im cool with it because I fell us connecting y'all! lol (I can see y'all coming to read my ramblings and Im so grateful!!)
I've never been emotional. It's not the first time I've ever admitted but I can't say the same for what I'm about to say next...
I think it's finally catching up to me... Lol
Now this personality trait (or flaw depending on how you look at it) could seem like a a great thing for dating. A type of armor that keeps you heart protected from the BS. A means to keep your mind clear and your eye on the prize when navigating the sea of boyfriends to be and from personal experience it has.
Trust me, many well deserved men have caught a mean stiff arm because well, for lack of a better term, they weren't shit ... But they're have been a few in between that may have fell victim to the protection force field undeservingly. (Hey no system is perfect! There are always some casualties... Lol) but only a few have seem to work their way (almost) through and it was well earned. ( and complicated as hell for all parties involved) Worth it? Sometimes... Ok ok yes lol Because even in them learning about me, I had to learn a lot about myself in order to let them in. Did they all work out? No. ( the jury is still out on a one lol) and this is obvious because I'm still single... (and not bitter about that at all lol ) and the reason being is I'm in not an in between lover.
I could blame it on trust issues or a lack of wanting commitment because these certainly are huge factors too but by this I mean I love you completely. Without restriction or condition. Trustingly and without doubt. Slowly and all at once and this last part is the entire problem because there is no in between... And I mean like none! I give zip zilch nothing nada! Crazy I know because you can't get to that place without giving a little in between but that balance is hard to find emotionally... Only recently have I been able to have a break through via a good male friend( yes ladies you may need to consult a trusted man for this ) lots of prayer and understanding. And here were my take always:
1. Know yourself and your worth: Simple in theory but it's crazy how even the most confident people can forget they're worth when dealing with those who are afraid to show it to you. When that person does show up and holds that mirror to you revealing how amazing you are , don't allow your self doubt convince you it's not true... Because it is! You’re amazing honey so work it!
2. Trust your instincts and yourself:
You know when something in the water ain't clean... If it feels off then it probably is. So either confront the issue head on or move on. No explanation necessary so I'll stop here lol
3. Love Yourself Completely then Love them: When you find complete happiness and unconditional love with yourself (through God) you love others for that reason. And that's enough. No matter what they do, if they love you, leave you, try and drag you through the mud, whatever! You always have yourself ( and God!) and you'll have the strength to move on.
So if you're guarded like me, just trust the process. It can be hard and uncomfortable but even if you don't find the love of your life, you'll definitely find more in your life to love... And that's good enough.
So any of you ladies deal with similar feelings? or on the flip side feel you fall easily? Let me know in the comments!