Monday, November 16, 2015

#ManProblemMonday: Pretty (wo)Man

I don't know about you, but one of my biggest pet peeves is a pretty man. Now I'm not saying I like them on Shrek status eating bugs and what not but I don't want him running from them either. In fact one of the first things I ask a man when dating is "Are you afraid of bugs, lizards, frogs, etc." out of curiosity but secretly  because if you are I want nothing to do with you. It may seem shallow but if you can't protect me from those things ( which I absolutely hate) then we have no future and there's no point in us discussing more important matters like assets and children... You can't protect those either! Lol 

But in all seriousness, in a world where gender equality is a hot button issue, when it comes to dating, I feel there are a few gender role norms that should stay in tact although they are steadily dwindling. Here are a my top 3: 

And yes I had to put it in all caps! There is nothing sexier than a chilvourous man. The kind that believes in calling you, coming to the door, and going on real dates. Even if they don't cost money! (Get creative people) The kind that opens doors, lends you his jacket, and pays for dinner even if there is no romantic chemistry or expectancy of sex. I know some of its decline has been attributed to the awful "He Thirsty" campaign foolishly endorsed by women who aren't used to attention (yes that was a bit of shade)  but come on now fellas! Remember to live under the guise that you do these things because of who you are not for anyone else. Don't let your feelings compromise your character. And ladies familiarize yourself with the same principle! Nobody has to open the damn door for you or buy your independent ass dinner! So try and remember a thank you can go just as far with a stranger as it can with a male friend or even your husband. Appreciation makes the world go round! 

2. The Man taking the Lead
No matter how independent a woman may be, the best way to create confidence is for the man to step up and set the scene. There should of course be an established mutual connection and interest, but once that happens the man should take the lead. I find that it sets the tone for the relationship. I need someone who will be firm, decisive and can pick up the slack when I can't. Someone who's sure I'm what he wants and creates an environment were I'm comfortable to be vulnerable and emotional.When looking ahead from a long term perspective, I want to be able to look to a man to lead us and our future family because honestly at this point there's no time or point in dating men who can't. So men take lead and let her know what you want and ladies turn your inner control freak off and enjoy the ride.

3. Emotions
The most important things to deal with and also the least favorite to accept or address are feelings. And from personal experience that can be a real bitch but what I don't need and find hard to tolerate is a man who bitches more than me. I'm all for men being in touch with their feelings but it's definitely not ok always be in them. Emotionally up and down like he also has his cycle... I actually have one and work to control my mood swings even when nature is against me so what's your excuse. I often hear men complain about women being to hard but I personally find that men who feel this way may just be a little soft ( refer to the previously mentioned bug scenario). In their defense, lack of positive male role models has long plagued the community. And when we all are raised by strong black women (sometimes too strong) sometimes the lines get blurry. So let's just check our feelings at the door. Be aware of them, open to share instead of suppressing them, as well as receptive and respectful to one another when the urge moves you  to open up. This way we can create a better balance 

Now I know everyone may not agree with these points as  they are my personal feelings but id like to hear some of your opinions on the subject as well! Please leave me your thoughts in the comments!


  1. I'm with you on all 3. I always call myself a traditional girl because chivalry and a man who takes the lead are key for me.


    1. Me too! I guess it's the southern girl in me lol

  2. HIL-ARIOUS!!! I agree, except the part about 'feelings' seems to be black or white when it comes to men. You either get a piece of ice, or the melted version, a puddle LOL!!! As long as he's not negative, I don't mind him sharing his feelings. #BLM

    1. Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it... And I agre it usually is hot or cold with men... I guess balance would be a utopian concept lol


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